Alright, before you don’t read this because of the title – give me a two paragraph chance. I thought the entire concept of a women’s meeting was completely stupid and only raised
attention that we are different when I just wanted to blend in. I joined the military in 1990, first career field was maintenance. There was one other female working in the Maintenance Flight of 190 people when I started. I was the first female in the radar maintenance shop. The guys were very unnatural around me, and because of that stiff behavior and having to “behave” they didn’t want me around. It was hard to learn or be part of the team with such awkwardness. So, I found the best way was to be one of the guys. I would be the first to make a joke, use crass language or drink a beer at the bar. After a while the awkwardness would go away, the exclusion stopped and I was part of the team.
Then some women’s group would come along and mess it all up. There would be an EEO mandatory sermon from some male officer to the squadron, or worse a video that everyone watched. I never understood the point because my life was more miserable after they tried to help, every single time. The guys would go back to the stiff formal behavior, stop talking when I entered a room or just not include me when anything happened after hours. Outcast again I would be the first to make a joke, use crass language or drink a beer at the bar. After a while the awkwardness would go away, the exclusion stopped and I was part of the team. Then some women’s group (yeah – I felt like things were repeating for me too, for years)…
The worst time was after a women’s only meeting. I refused to go and was finally escorted by a First Sergeant to the room late. Because it was forced on me I sat in a corner, arms crossed, teeth clenched, out of the room before they finished saying dismissed. Many of you have been to those touchy feely meetings like the women’s only meeting I went to. In hindsight it wasn’t even touchy feely, I just resented it because I knew the hell it would bring down on me for months to come. The guys didn’t even know what was being said so the jokes were endless. That time I actually spent an hour in a dark warehouse, crying. That those women made that happen made me even angrier for feeling weakness and desperation. The attention that people kept bringing that pointed out the differences was torture to me.
The years past, more women joined the tech career fields, well more girls joined. I left full time military service and started training technology. I had to learn to handle the arrogant guys in the class who would try to correct me or answer other students’ questions. I handled this situation differently by knowing more than them, and using attire to gain more control. I stayed in the Air National Guard and started mentoring those airmen that followed my first journey. Things were better for them, with more numbers things became more common place. A woman wasn’t so much an abnormality. I started seeing those meetings from another perspective, from the perspective of a mentor trying to help. I still abhor the mandatory military approach to demanding equality, and I find great humor in someone from Human Resources telling me how to handle a team of men as if they have ever had to break that barrier (don’t shoot me for the generality).
Women In Technology to me is about several things. First, it is awesome to hear from others that came before me, to hear that my battles were not unique. There is something liberating knowing that you are not alone. Second, it is awesome to give advice or listen to someone breaking into the barrier. I handle it differently now than I did then, I stay true to me and I advise others to do the same. Third, it opens my eyes to what is happening in the world. There are less women graduating from college with technology career fields today than before. That amazes me! Think of the role models that teenage girls are exposed thru the media. It is a different environment then I was raised in, for sure dude! Fourth, seeing the men in the room listening and remarking on their dreams for their daughters; made me see the importance of including them in the conversation.
So, I ask all of you to attend a Women In Technology event. Guys just come and hear. Don’t be those guys ignorant because they aren’t in the room who end up making jokes that aren’t funny. Ladies, if like me you have gone through those torture sessions of old, blaming men for everything or the fact that we are female for anything, give this new time a chance. If you have never attended an event because like me you wanted to keep the harmony by not making the guys think you were a woman’s right freak, then come and discover we are not that, and bring the guys with you. If you just never thought you needed special attention as a woman then think of that next young girl, and how your experience might help her and maybe like me you might breathe easier when you realize you are not alone.
At SQL Saturday 61 in Washington DC the PASS Women In Technology (twitter | #passWIT) are having an event during lunch. Shift your paradigm by giving the forum chance. That’s all I can ask, give it a try.